Grace

For a dear cousin who is now facing metastatic breast cancer:

I know my experience of defying all odds with a full recovery when faced with similar circumstances thirty years ago inspired you to hope when you asked, “How did you do it? What were the steps that you took?”

In response, I recited a litany of treatments, but I forgot to mention the countless books I’d read by others who had defied death before me. Each victory was absolutely unique to the individual who crafted a method specifically for their own healing, and I literally devoured every success story I could find. The mere knowledge that it had been done gave me hope, but I intuited that, if I was to succeed, I couldn’t follow anyone else’s path. Just like the courageous souls who shared their journeys, I would have to forge my own.

With a prognosis of two years at most to live, my first order of business was making peace with death. I was a young grandmother. While undergoing treatment in Los Angeles, my infant grandson died in Maryland. I never got to hold him. Death doesn’t always warn us in advance of its arrival. But I was blessed with a warning. Material preparations were simple as my possessions were few. Quickly, they were divided between the kids. I wrote a will of sorts in order to dispose of my corpse. But the real preparation was soul work.

Constantly, I prayed, but I never asked to be healed. That was Mom's job. Though she was on her deathbed, she prayed I'd live, and my circumstances allowed me to devote all my time and energy to my healing process, so I gave it my all and prayed only for grace. Even as I asked, I wondered, “What is Grace? What exactly am I asking for?” And the answer came in a word. Surrender!

Thirty years past a death sentence is a pretty good run! At 72, it won’t be a tragedy if I die in my sleep tonight. Still, we've got longevity in our genes - Grandma G and her dad both celebrated birthdays beyond a hundred - but those genes also produced the little babe who came and left before we even had a chance to meet. I take nothing for granted. You are aware of my current health issues and of my course of action. Still, I pray for only grace.

Here is the best counsel I can give you: Forge a path that feels right for you. Amazing medical advances have been made since my recovery. My journey began and ended without medical insurance, but my path was graced with generous healers who offered their services gratis or at reduced rates. Seek your helpers! Do everything in your power to be well. It will be hard work. Since we’ve both lost our moms, I'll fill those shoes and ask God to heal you - like my mom did for me - so that you can concentrate on praying for grace. That’s what worked for me. I love you.